I was diagnosed with Amenorrhea (essentially lack of a period and ovulation) at 28 after going off the pill and having zero cycle. I tried every eastern route, from acupuncture to diet changes, shifts in type of exercise (goodbye Orange Theory) and all of the Chinese herbs. Nothing worked. After a year of no period and no luck conceiving, my husband and I went to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. We went through four cycles of infertility treatments which consisted of weeks of nightly injections along with vaginal ultrasounds and blood work every 2-3 days until my follicles were at the perfect size to “trigger” ovulation. We were lucky to conceive my now 22 month old son, Maverick, with injections and timed intercourse and I have never felt so grateful as I did the moment my doctor called to tell me I was pregnant. I obviously took about 15 home tests before my bloodwork but those confirming words were everything.

Two years later we are again on the long and bumpy infertility road. I had an emergency c-section with my son which resulted in retained placenta and a D&C. The D&C, we found out in June after three failed IUI cycles and IVF, caused significant scar tissue to grow. I had surgery to remove that scar tissue and luckily had a successful IVF cycle that has given us 7 perfect embryos. The road the second time around has been much harder and longer than we expected (another year of self administered needles, ultrasounds and bloodwork) but we are so close to our frozen embryo transfer that will hopefully result in a healthy second pregnancy.

Infertility is the most taxing process I’ve every been through. There is the financial cost (read thousands), we are lucky to be able to afford it, the emotional toll, the hiding your reality from people, the insensitive questions about when are you going to have kids or your next kid, and the strain on your relationship when you feel awful and pumped with hormones and want nothing less than for your husband to touch you. I struggle with what infertility, pregnancy and a c-section have done to my once toned body.

I didn’t have the delivery I wanted or the road to pregnancy I had assumed, but what I do have is my baby and hopefully a second baby soon, and for that I would do it all over a thousand times again. I look at my happy, running, silly almost 2 year old and know I will be more present, loving and accepting of him because of what I went through to bring him here. That being said, it’s hard as fuck.

Apologies for the length but my story is for lack of a better term, a long story.